Wedding Planning Drama, (and How to Deal With It!)
Even if you are the most laid-back couple in the world, you are bound to experience a little heartache, stress, or even drama when planning a wedding.
From gut-wrenching stress over choosing the perfect Maid-of-Honor, to dealing with a relative that thinks everybody she knows belongs on the guest list, to finding out that your favorite vendor isn’t available: so many things can go wrong, but it doesn’t mean disaster.
Today I’m dishing out a few bits of advice for some really common wedding planning hangups!
I have two great choices for Maid-of-Honor, how can I choose one without hurting the other’s feelings?
This is always tough. Clearly, the people you wish to have close to you on your wedding day mean a lot!
So, why not have two stand in the Maid-of-Honor position? Modern weddings are all about bucking traditions. If your two besties would also have a wonderful time helping you plan, make it a team effort and offer them both this coveted position.
If you feel, however, that it’s best to only have one Maid-of-Honor, that’s ok too.
Choose one for the official title, and give the other a place of honor with some extra-special tasks. She can do a reading during the ceremony, or you can ask her to also give a toast at the reception.
My Maid-of-Honor isn’t doing ANYTHING! I thought she’d be more excited to help out. What do I do?
If you have a ‘dud’ for a Maid-of-Honor, stop for a moment and put yourself in her shoes.
Perhaps she’s overwhelmed, doesn’t understand what the role of a MOH is, is frustrated with the process, or is unable to afford all of the trappings that come with the position.
Then reach out, tactfully.
’Hey there! I am so excited for the wedding day. Is there anything I can do to help you out as my Maid-of-Honor?’
This simple question can open the door to information, and help you work together as a team. Make it about her, not you, not your wedding, and you’ll be surprised what comes of it!
My [Parent, Best-Friend, Relative, etc.] tends to get rowdy-drunk at events. We would like to have an open bar, do you have any advice?
As tough as this is, you cannot control the actions of others.
If you have a loved-one who tends to drink to the point of embarrassment, you might mention to your catering/bar staff that you would appreciate the open bar not being a true ‘free for all’.
If they are certified and licensed properly to serve liquor, they should be well trained (and concerned about their liquor license!), and won’t likely wish to over-serve drinks to people once it’s clear they’ve ‘had enough’.
My soon-to-be spouse is choosing a groomsmen/bridesmaid that I do not like, approve of, or get along with. Help!
For starters, keep in mind that this day is not about you. It’s about you AND your spouse.
Why don’t you get along with this person? Have you spoken about this together, as a couple?
There may be deeper issues at play here, and it’s worth chatting with your officiant or a counselor before allowing something like this to escalate to resentment.
Our wedding is 5 months away and I just found out that I’m pregnant!
This is so very common. Don’t stress!
Here is the good news: you are about to share a beautiful day with friends and family, and it’s very likely that they will be VERY thrilled with the news that the family is growing!
As far as your gown, a great seamstress can really do magical things here to make your dress fit perfectly. You don’t have to hide your bump, either. Times have changed, and it’s important that no matter what, you feel beautiful.
You may or may not be showing much in 5 months, but even if you are, it will be really special to look at your wedding photos knowing that your beautiful child was there with you.
I just found out that my favorite, dream vendor isn’t available because my partner waited TOO long to contact them. I’m so frustrated, now what!?
Don’t enter marriage with this kind of frustration and resentment. This is just one small thing in a lifetime of ‘ooops’ moments that may or may not even mean something! It’s entirely possible that your favorite vendor was already booked up, and there would have been no chance anyways.
Instead of playing the blame game, chat with the vendor!
They likely have some phenomenal recommendations of people that they would trust, vendors who are likely to be very worthy alternatives.
My [insert relative/family member here] gave me his/her list for our guest list, and it’s INSANE. Half of these people I don’t even know, and the list has driven the size of our guest roster well above what we want or can afford. HELP!
Pretty much every couple in the history of ever has run into this.
It’s very common for parents especially, who are excited for the wedding, to wish to invite all of the people in their lives who have known you and watched you grow up.
Keep in mind that these people are very important to them, and this is a good place to have a chat and find compromise.
You don’t just have to invite a bunch of random people, but here is what you can do.
-Mention that you are concerned about the budget, and talk about how much $$ it costs for every guest you’ve invited (including venue fees, catering, bar, etc.). This can spark a conversation that may help limit the final invitation roster, or result in an additional financial commitment from them to help cover the costs.
-Ask them to prioritize their top 3, 5, 10, or 20 (depending on how many you can realistically be ok with adding to the guest list), and compromise at that.
-Talk about doing a very simple post-wedding mini-reception so that their ‘other’ family/friends can come celebrate on another day.
-Have a candid conversation about how important it is that you keep the day intimate, and go from there.
Do you have any wedding day drama questions that need resolved? Leave a note in the comments below for a future post!
Looking for a wedding planner to take some of this stress off your plate? Let’s chat!